This one was...interesting. I jumped on the opportunity to do this one, because the series is somewhat short and to the point and I had the time since school is out for the holidays. It took me about a week to read this trilogy, because I felt like I had to read the whole thing to truly understand the whole picture. The sheer amount of grievances I have against this book, even though I tried to just enjoy it for it's shock value, is ridiculous. Mind you, I'm no sex connoisseur, but I can spot bullshit from a mile away. Without further ado, my problems with Fifty Shades of Grey!
1) Who in their right mind has an inner goddess that squeals in glee whenever a tall, rich, and handsome man walks into a room? Better yet, who in their right mind has an inner goddess that provides commentary on everything?
2) This woman orgasms way too often for it to be healthy. Oh, he touched your boobs and you orgasmed? You might want to go to a doctor about that.
3) This guy is a billionaire with tons of security and a personal driver, and you keep going places with him and inviting him into your home when he could very well kill you at any point in time and get away with it. Nice choices, Anastasia.
4) Her name is Anastasia, and the book takes place in like, 2005. Who names their kid Anastasia in 2005?
5) The guy openly tells you that he tracked your cell phone in order to locate you at some shady bar, and this doesn't concern you whatsoever? Oh whoops, I forgot that stalker tactics are the quickest way into a woman's pants. My bad.
6) Why the fuck are they emailing each other when he paid for a fucking blackberry for her to use?
7) If she says that Christian Grey is just so...hot. ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO EXPLODE.
8) Christian gets way too horny from her just biting her lip. It's not that cute.
9) Period sex? Enough said.
10) Ana, you're implying that you're best friend Kate is as slutty as Miley Cyrus on the VMA's when you're banging a billionaire who can't go five minutes without "kinky fuckery," as he so succinctly puts it, and she's just having sex with your average run of the mill guy.
11) Who the hell exclaims, "Holy Cow!" mid-orgasm?
12) "Laters, Baby," is both unromantic and grammatically incorrect.
13) He bought you a car for graduation and you've been seeing each other for what, a week? Solid. That's completely normal.
14) Not that I'm an expert, but I've never met a woman who's orgasmed multiple times when losing her virginity.
15) Changing the subject line of your emails really doesn't make either of you funny. It just makes me roll my eyes at you.
To be fair, I did think that the whole "damaged BDSM billionaire finds love and takes the need for a submissive out of his love life," thing to be kinda sweet in a really fucked up kind of way. However, the books in general weren't that well written, with the vocabulary leaving something to be desired. It's not like these books were written for their literary value, it's erotica. However, if Christian Grey is the most successful businessman in the East Coast, he should probably learn some larger words.
Anastasia Steele kind of pulled off the whole "girl next door," thing, but also left unrealistic expectations for women, and manages to do everything you're not supposed to do when meeting a man. But then again, this isn't a conventional love story.
Here's the bottom line, if you're not turned on by this book, then you're doing something wrong. But, you can't deny that this is completely fucked up and leaves such unrealistic expectations for both men and women. Not only that, but Christian Grey inadvertently traps Anastasia Steele in a relationship that she can't escape because apparently Christian Grey owns all of Seattle and Portland. Women need to know that they can get out of any relationship they get into, even if it's with someone like Christian Grey. Also, I can't imagine being slapped fifteen times during sex or being hit with a leather crop can really make a woman orgasm. But as I've said before, I'm no expert.
Anyways, number 37 is being replaced for the second time with, "Ride in a Hot Air Balloon!" Thanks for reading, and let me know if Fifty Shades of Grey enhanced or screwed over your idea of a healthy sex life!
Until next time,
Bridget
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